Sometimes When I Sleep

This debut novel by Helen Salsbury reeled me in straightaway and kept me teetering on the hooks of the damaged but deeply compelling, complex characters, not least the protagonist herself, Harriet. We're taken straight into the action as the novel starts with her leaving home for the first time to start a new life at university and finds herself drawn to the mysterious, enigmatic Iquis. She finds solace and kindred spirits in the music and members of goth rock band Dark Island and is elated to finally attend a concert of theirs. Yet its aftermath is just the start of an even darker journey for Harriet, Iquis (and their friends, frenemies and flatmates) as they're drawn into a twisted game. Gradually we see how each is affected, what ghosts they have, how their misshapen selves are weaved together - and pulled apart. Cleverly, carefully, as each chapter progresses, snippets of Harriet's own dark past and troubled dreams are revealed - yet only shards of them, like a shattered mirror, so I was perenially wondering and pondering and wanting to read on to find the missing pieces, to have the final picture revealed. In this sense, this story was beautifully crafted and plotted and the characters and story stayed with me long after reading. In addition, there is a strong sense of place and mood steeped in the vivid descriptions of the landscapes, which I loved. Highly recommended and I eagerly await Helen Salsbury's next novel!

There are times when the worst monsters are in our own minds. They're the simmering but repressed trauma, guilt, and grief that lurk on the edges of our consciousness, tainting our dreams with their shadows. They're the memories we've buried that threaten to spring up from their tomb, and the home we hold in our hearts that contrasts so sharply with the brutal reality of the present. These painful truths are depicted clearly in Sometimes When I Sleep by Helen Salsbury, which is one of the best, and creepiest, coming-of-age novels I've read. Sometimes When I Sleep is one of those timeless, powerful books that encourages readers to reflect on difficult topics like grief, trauma, change, friendship, family, forgiveness, and moving on. Sometimes When I Sleep had a more moderate pace, which could turn some readers off. Because I was expecting it, it didn't bother me; in fact, it was paced perfectly for the themes, plot, and subject matter. Though it started slow, the build-up was part of what made me so invested in the characters and the outcome. The scenery and eerie atmosphere of Sometimes When I Sleep are still vivid in my mind, as is the overwhelming sense of grief and loss conveyed by the characters. Iquis was very compelling and mysterious. Harriet was more straightforward on the surface, but she wound up becoming increasingly complex as the layers were revealed until the final heart-shattering truth came to light. The dynamic between the two was at times frosty and at other times passionate; I haven't read a story with such an emotionally charged and bittersweet companionship in years. I loved how Salsbury explored Harriet's fear of change. Alongside Harriet, the reader had to face the fact that change is necessary, inevitable, and–though scary–liberating. Salsbury kept me hooked and on edge with the mysteries surrounding Dark Island, Iquis, and Harriet's past. I wish we had gotten more insight into Iquis' internal conflicts and past, but that would have destroyed part of the intrigue that fueled Sometimes When I Sleep. Harriet and Iquis–along with the other characters–were deeply flawed. They all had their insecurities and fears, and that made them more relatable and less predictable. Sometimes When I Sleep provides a deep and insightful study of grief and its effects on individuals as well as a family unit and close friends. It was intriguing and surprising to see how Dark Island fed into the story. I know what it's like to form a bond with a band while coping with trauma, and those who have similar ties to bands, especially in the heavy metal genre, will be able to connect with Harriet in this way. The emotional climaxes and the truths revealed by the end of this book were astounding and devastating. I highly recommend Sometimes When I Sleep, but only if you're looking for a Gothic, character-driven coming-of-age tale. This book probably won't appeal to people looking for a lot of action, but if you'd like to get to know the characters, study their relationships, and watch them develop and change while enjoying some paranormal twists and rich, spine-tingling descriptions, you should give Sometimes When I Sleep a shot. (First posted on https://www.kaylacreviews.com/2023/07/sometimes-when-i-sleep-by-helen-salsbury.html)

Sometimes When I Sleep by Helen Salsbury Review by Tina Cathleen MacNaughton Sometimes When I Sleep is a coming-of-age novel with a difference. Harriet, the central character, is struggling with the loss of her brother, Stephen, whilst coping with transitioning into young adulthood. She looks forward to going to university as a chance to escape troubled thoughts and nightmares and seek solace. Yet, once at Eden University, Harriet is faced with challenging relationships which impede her attempt to reinvent herself. The novel conveys powerfully the heightened emotions and tensions of growing up through a background of trauma and loss. Harriet finds freedom of expression in Goth music and the lyrics of fictional band, Dark Island, thread her story and reflect her emotional journey. Harriet identifies with and loses herself in the mystery and intrigue of Goth sub-culture and is drawn into the shadows of its darkness. She is exhilarated by nocturnal adventures in the woods with her new university friends, drinking, staying up all night, and discovering a new, freer side to herself as she seeks to erase the past; ‘Like an escape artist she follows them into the night and feels it close over her, blocking out the day she's just had.' (P.58) The use of heightened language to create atmosphere, tension and feeling is, at times, reminiscent of the great Victorian Gothic novels of Mary Shelley and the Brontes. Indeed, Shelley's Frankenstein is alluded to in the early part of the novel (p.48) and inspires Dark Island's ‘Monster Song'. In keeping with Gothic literary tradition, nature and landscape are described poetically and vividly to reflect Harriet's inner turmoil; ‘Awe, excitement, fear. Beneath their feet the ground churns as they twist and turn, gathering speed, finding the beat. Lost in a brilliant mass of water, Harriet grabs Iquis's hands and spins her round. The earth and sky tangle up as they whirl through them.' (P.319) Harriet wants to be rescued from her shadow side, and yet is compelled by it. She is drawn towards the mysterious, damaged Iquis. Harriet feels instinctively that they are ‘twin souls' who can help one another to heal. It is a difficult relationship, as troubled Iquis causes Harriet further pain and confusion. Iquis recognises that she is Harriet's ‘shadow side', suggesting they are, in fact, ‘the opposite sides of a mirror.' Harriet is both attracted to, and repulsed by, the arrogant, charismatic, dangerous Mark whom she recognises also ‘isn't safe'. Mark feeds on and manipulates female vulnerability, as seen in his treatment of Loli and Marcia. He becomes the main focus for Harriet's frustration and repressed rage; ‘The reaction comes from so deep within her that she has no control over it. ‘I'm surprised she'd want to be near you,' she says and her voice is shaking. ‘If I was your sister I'd keep out of your way. You're a complete wanker.'' (p.29) I enjoyed reading Sometimes When I Sleep. It is beautifully written and the evocative, richly descriptive language conveys the heightened sensitivity experienced when growing into young adulthood, whilst also trying to come to terms with family tragedy and deep emotional trauma. The characters are interesting and well-drawn, and the occasional use of the first-person singular, coupled with the lyrics of Dark Island, give Harriet psychological depth, tracing her journey towards self-realisation and acceptance. Despite the dark themes explored in Sometimes When I Sleep, the novel delivers a wonderfully satisfying and redemptive ending.

‘Think long and hard about the secrets you keep buried within you.' Andre Malreux The above quote isn't this novel's epigraph, but it's precisely what comes to my mind having just finished reading SOMETIMES WHEN I SLEEP by HELEN SALSBURY. The book is a deep psychological drama in which first-year ‘fresher' student at Eden university HARRIET is pursued by – and finally faces – her demons of family tragedy. Her unlikely collaborator in this quest is the grim, abrupt, and downright farouche Iquis. In almost all other circumstances the reader might easily write IQUIS off as a -fairly typical – untogether, and mixed-up teenager. After all – as it struck me, once I was a third-way through this 400-page narrative - almost all its characters – with the exception of Harriet's mum, dad, her course tutor Dr Drake, and ponytail swishing night club owner Glyn - are eighteen-year-olds, or near enough. But clearly, there's something big going on with Iquis; a hint at a gangster family, and an unhealthy relationship with a Goth band by the name of DARK ISLAND (whose ages are perhaps older than eighteen, but not necessarily – despite the impressive credentials we find they hold at the end of the tale) and whose music Harriet has built an emotional dependence upon. Family tragedy it appears, is mirrored, Iquis too has a history of it, and it seems than any relationship with Iquis is a forced engagement into a series of unspoken dares. Role-playing – something which Harriet is keen on, but at which Iquis scoffs as if she is determined to show Harriet the real world. The cast may be little more than large children with developing minds, but the stage (if a novel can be called that) which Salsbury sets is that of a Wagner opera, plot and events teetering on the brink of myth, characters vulnerable rather than heroic, and dominated by an immense rain-lashed and frozen landscape. There are dramatic scenes at a Cumbrian waterfall, a graveyard, a mysteriously isolated nightclub, a concert venue in Newcastle, a Scottish dance hall, and the landscapes of the far north of Scotland. One gets the impression that even though this novel is a substantial number of words, that these are just a fraction of what it could be, such is the enormity of the subject matter and the bigness of the landscapes which the reader finds themselves inhabiting. Yet the pace of Sometimes When I Sleep is measured. There's ample opportunity for the reader to climb aboard the narrative, the scene with Harriet's Christmas holiday with her parents in Sheffield is calmer, quieter but no less worrying and always serving the quest, helping to build to its climax. There's some stunning original and creative prose; "…his voice is directed into the thickness of Iquis' shut door,” and "…she scatters words over Harriet in a comforting shower,” and my favourite, "…the memory that rushes through her like a bore tide.” There's also a vivid procession of colour visual images woven in to the fabric of the later text which help propel the reader toward its denouement; a red telephone box, a red van, a red bucket, and there's red hair, and red blood. Nicholas Roeg would be impressed were he still around to read it. There are other characters in Sometimes When I Sleep; there's the athletic but emotionally immature and insecure Mark and his hole-in-the-air coach and sidekick Paul, and once again family – specifically sibling – tensions are given a further dimension through other ‘student chummage' chums, twins Marcia and Jenna. This is just my kind of novel, and a serious piece of work. Oh, and I recommend you read the Acknowledgements at the end. It sincerely smashes the public perception nay myth that writing is a lonely activity.