Troubador Poor Enid

Released: 28/06/2014

ISBN: 9781783065011

eISBN: 9781783066179

Format: Paperback/eBook

Review this Book

Poor Enid

by

Millionaire war veteran Art Schitthelm has lived through two wars, he’s determined not to see another. To ensure everyone keeps the peace he uses a bogus charity to inflict his own brand of twisted philanthropy on humankind. Although the application is barbaric, Schitthelm deems his remedies entirely necessary for the long-term good of the species.

The arrogant Schitthelm is long used to getting his own way, but meets his nemesis in the shape of an unflappable, wine-swigging ignoramus called Lenny Plant.

Plant, along with a corrupt priest and a murderous Cliff Richard fan, unwittingly play-out a sequence of bizarre events triggered by an accident with a lawn-mower.

In and around a sleepy North Yorkshire village, Plant and his cronies create havoc with Schitthelm’s carefully thought out plans for the future, to the extent that the ageing war-dog is left with no choice but to send out an assassination squad. The boozy Plant continues with his day to day domestics, oblivious, both to the trail of mayhem he leaves in his wake, and the danger that stalks the shadows.

The Self-Publishing Magazine

Mojomums

Price splices social, political and religious irony sublimely into a unique tale. The story is powered by the darkest of humour, towering characterisation, and prose seemingly welded with molten lava.
Lenny Plant's numbness to the horrific situation unfolding around him is rendered ridiculously hilarious with the masterful application of innuendo and sarcasm. The author manages to keep the comedy finely tuned throughout the story - which pulsates with allegorical, almost believable anecdotes.
Plant's bizarre dreams add a bewildering fourth dimension to give a kaleidoscopic fusion of reality and fantasy. After reading Poor Enid I was left wondering, quite unreasonably, if this is how the world should be.
I have Price down as a funny and socially astute writer.

by Chris R Shuttleworth


It's kind, it's cruel. It's funny, it's filthy.

by Karen Embleton


Andy Price has produced an impressive first novel full of pitch black humour and a pacey plot reminiscent of Carl Hiaasen and Colin Bateman. In Lenny Plant, Price has created a character with the ability to cheerfully stumble into dangerous situations and effortlessly make it worse.
I did think that it was slightly longer than it needed to be, occasionally elaborating on areas which were not essential to the story but despite this it is a very funny, filthy and intelligent read which I wholeheartedly recommend.

by Mark Hetherington


A very enjoyable read, full of "close to home" observation. Had a good laugh out loud to page rate, left wondering whether its semi-autobiographical what with the drinking and buggering about and Planty and Pricey being so similar ?

by Tony Mayne


For a while the book is reminiscent of 'The Last of the Summer Wine' with a mock 'James Bond' villain thrown in for good measure.

Set in North Yorkshire, it follows the adventures of Lenny Plant and his drinking mates, Lenny's next door neighbour hit woman Enid, some ghosts and Art Schitthelm, the megalomaniac pulling the strings in the background.

The book races along at a good pace with some hilarious well observed misunderstandings and mix ups involving the main characters.

It concludes with a surprising twist and the reader should enjoy the thought provoking journey from start to finish.

by John Dixon


Well, what can I say? This has got to be one of the funniest and thought provoking books I have read in quite a while. The main character Lenny unwittingly gets himself entangled in a plot to rid the world of evil doers and it all starts with a faulty lawnmower! The author has woven a story that really makes you think and I suspect with an eye to making a statement on the condition of the world today. I laughed all the way through at the situations and characters created by the author. What a mind!!

by Yvonne Arbuthnot


Just finished reading Poor Enid; some really side splitting situations that I can easily relate to, with a good mix of diverse characters. What I was impressed with though, was the inner story line of the book, dare I say almost plausible, in world (at times) so unpredictably shocking. Conspiracy theorists will love it.
Beware Terry Pratchett, Andy Price has arrived.

by Geoff Tickner


"A quiet Yorkshire village is full of the kind of characters such villages are only ever full of in books like this - good, bad, mad and dangerous to know
Vibrator salesman and undercover assassins are just the start of it. Throw in the occasional ghost and dirty money at the rectory and you're beginning to get the picture."
"Poor Enid is a totally madcap novel"
"Price manages to push all of it to the precise point of irony - to the knife edge of making it funny."
"More or less wouldn't work. it is skilfully judged."
"fans of David Lodge and Tom Sharpe will lap it up."
"Loved it."

by Self Publishing Magazine."


Bravo for Andy Price; he has managed to do what he said he would - write a novel and get it published. Fair play to you boyo, and what a door-stopper of a book you have produced. It may not be Shakespeare or even Dickens, but I have to say I did laugh out loud in places. The story is a perfect reflection of Andy's personality and mindset and strongly flavoured with his slightly skewed view of the world and mankind in general. Knowing Andy all his life, I detected notes of Robert McAllister and Willie Johnson in the people he has created in Poor Enid - but of course neither of these two could put pen to paper! It is impossible to approach the story in the manner of a normal review, but suffice to say that the legacy of Broan in the 1970s and 1980s lives on strong in the elegant language of Lenny Plant and the cohort of supporting characters around him. Andy has imbibed the waters of eternal profanity, and blended these with the nutty characters of his own North Yorkshire upbringing to create a masterpiece of inanity and inconsequence. Well done and more power to you.

All the best
W. J.

by Willie O'Kane


Andrew Price

Andrew Price was born in Saltburn-by-Sea in 1961. Son of a policeman and displaced farmer's daughter he has two younger sisters who double-up as best friends.

Andy studied at Whiteheath Primary School in Ruislip Middlesex where he excelled at underachieving, reading Beano comics, and setting fire to things.

Somewhere between the ages of ten and twelve Andy failed his "Eleven Plus."

In 1972 the family settled in North Yorkshire. Andy attended Saint Francis Xavier Secondary School in Richmond where he successfully exploited the national programme of study to further demonstrate his remarkable ability to underachieve.

In 1977 Andy showed-up at Richmond High School for one year, gaining a leisurely 'O' level grade 'C' in English Language along with a basic working knowledge of a woman's physiology.

During the spring of 1982 Andy was sacked from his job at a local service station following his self-implementation of a personal bonus scheme. He learned from the experience and was subsequently never sacked again.

Almost without exception, every private company Andy has worked for went under within a year or so of his arrival.

Andy is extremely lucky: He has Barbara. Andy and Barbara are luckier still: They have each other - and they have Amy.

The mortgage is paid-off.

Andy Price can drink copious red wine and , at the same time, render the most credulous of incredulity incredulous, applying nothing but the witchcraft of bullshit.

He can also write a story.

"Poor Enid:"

The title isn't a reference to Enid's financial status; it's a plaintive comment on the miserable condition of affairs under which she labours following an unfortunate encounter with a lawn-mower.

Don't be fooled by the innocuous title - or if you are fooled, allow yourself to be fooled - so you can be shocked as you part the pages.

Whichever way you read it, you'll find it brutally funny, or else funnily brutal.

To all you readers who think you've read it all - well I'm afraid you haven't. Actually I'm not afraid, I'm worried - worried that you risk trudging through the rest of your days without reading this book.

I don't know how much the tale will cost you should you come to buy it,

but it won't be a fortune.

Whatever you pay you'll get a good return - I promise. You see I wrote the book for the reader, not for my own gratification, (although it did relieve an innate itch to create,) nor did I write for the glory. There is no glory in glory. As for money - I already have some.

The book is harmful, so if you're weak of mind, body or soul - be warned. I won't apologise in advance for the vulgarity, the dark humour, the agro nor the sneering sarcasm, it's necessary - of course it is.

The Author.

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