Grant Sutton

Popular legend has it that the media frenzy over Cream of Plankton Soup forced Sutton into hiding. He has died his hair electric blue and lives in a snow hole in Greenland, surrounding himself with eunuchs to keep warm. There he waits and makes his plans against the World. However, truth is stranger than fiction. According to his agent, Sutton actually lives in Oxford and is married to a direct descendant of Genghis Khan. Before becoming an author he was quite an adventurer. He has been lost in the Arctic Circle, crash landed on a deserted airfield and shipwrecked in the Straights of Mallacca. He has been down and out in Orlando, kidnapped in Bangkok, and escaped a Croatian Mafia boss in a pimped up Renault Twingo. He has rubbed shoulders with the Worlds top dignitaries (As a masseuse in a Berlin brothel) and is rumoured to be a distant relative of a senior Capone gang member. He has been a bodyguard for Hilary Clinton’s lobster and is on handshaking terms with Darth Vader. He has worked for the Foreign and Commonwealth Office and once declined a medal from the Queen. He has worked in a glue factory in Oldham (home of the tubular bandage) and has been to a nudist colony with a Princess on a bicycle (not in Oldham). He has hunted pirates in the Indian Ocean and tried his hand at bodybuilding (He intends to try the rest of his body soon). He once had the honour of being ignored at the Beverley Hills Polo Lounge by John Cleese and Ricky Gervais. He has twice appeared in theatre wearing nothing but a G String, only once legally. This book is a miracle and a masterpiece considering Sutton does not speak a word of English.

Author news

I have read War and Peace, Crime and Punishment and everything by Proust. Cream of Plankton Soup is way funnier than all those put together! OLIVER CROMWELL I laughed so much I had loose stools for a week! DIY FURNITURE ASSEMBLER If only this book had been around in my day, just think what I might have achieved! ALEXANDER THE GREAT (Could have been greater) More comedy per square metre than other books of comparable size! ATTILA THE HUN Cream of Plankton Soup! Please can I have some more? OLIVER TWIST His delicately constructed prose is like an intricate jazz solo. You see, it’s not about what he has written, but what he has not! THROGMORTON RYE, EDITOR “JAZZ IN THE BUFF”. Perfect for those long tiresome journeys! JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS. Off the Wall – ART THIEF I liked the bit where the funny man slipped on a banana skin – VLAD THE IMPALER

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