Published: 01/12/2013
ISBN: 9781783061570
eISBN: 9781783068418
Format: Paperback/eBook



“Fizz explains the futility of attempting to impose human capitalist values on a puppy who frankly, couldn’t care less about the difference between Prada and a plantpot!”
Dogs Monthly

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About the Author



I first wrote the book to amuse my family and friends who all thought we were mad to bring a dog and not just any dog, a Collie, into our cream carpeted home. My friend Fiona said that giving a Collie... read more

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Taking the Biscuit
A Pawtobiography
by Fizzbomb Biscuit-Birkett

Hands up all those who think having a puppy is an easy, wholly joyful, stress-free experience?
Those who said ‘yes’ are mad and should never own a dog – ever...
Those who said ‘no’, read on...

Taking the Biscuit is the hilarious tail (oops, tale) of Fizz’s first year with his hapless, if well-meaning, humans. His journey takes readers through the ups and downs of house training, coping with Bonfire Night and other bizarre human rituals, puppy school, neutering and separation issues (Fizz’s Nana can’t bear to be away from him for long). This helpful guide covers topics you won’t find in other training books, such as: choosing a vet, pet insurance, communication practices with other dog lovers, which poo bags to buy (important – seriously!) and much more. It emphasises the significant commitment, time and cost involved to give a dog a good home. Having a dog involves far more mud, trips to the vet and hairy lasagne than expected, and Fizz and his owner Helen wanted to share their story.

Anyone who has ever loved a dog will enjoy Taking the Biscuit. Dog owners and anyone considering getting a dog will need this book. If more people act responsibly around animals, then fewer dogs will end up in shelters, relying on charity and waiting for someone lovely to come along and rescue them. Donations from sales go to aid animal rescue.

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This book is for all dog lovers. It parades as a training book giving simple training tips and also gives some really helpful insights on how to deal with typical behavioural problems (canine and human!) but is really a love story between a dog and his family. It doesn’t try to explain the technical side of ‘pack mentality’ just how to be a sensible owner and how to avoid some of the pitfalls that we encountered. It is told in a light hearted, humorous manner by the real expert – the dog himself!
This hilarious tail (oops, tale) tells of Fizz’s first year with his hapless, if well meaning, humans. The journey will take you through the ups and downs of house training, coping with Bonfire Night and other bizarre human rituals, puppy school, neutering and separation issues (Fizz’s Nana can’t bear to be away from him for long…) It covers topics you won’t find in other training books such as, choosing a vet, pet insurance, the curious communication practices with other dog lovers, which poo bags to choose (important – believe me!) and so much more. It emphasises the significant commitment, time and cost involved to give a dog a good home. Having a dog involves far more mud, trips to the vet and hairy lasagne than any of us expected and we share our story with you. Anyone who ever loved a dog will love this book. Anyone thinking of getting a dog – especially if you have a cream carpet - NEEDS this book. Let’s get more people acting responsibly around animals, then we won’t have to pay so much for Dog Wardens and fewer dogs will end up in shelters relying on charity, waiting for someone lovely to come along and rescue them.

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Female First

Dogs Monthly

A laugh-out-loud collection of stories told by the real expert – the dog himself

by E. Richardson, Newcastle


This is a guide to puppy training, although it works for adult dog training too,with a difference. It is intended as a holistic guide before you even decide you want a dog and takes you through the first year together. It has an ethical message in that it advocates adoption over buying, socialisation, pet insurance (a minefield), vaccinations, puppy prep and so much more. In fact, it's everything you need to know about bringing a dog into your life and behaving responsibly. It will also appeal to anyone who has ever owned and loved a dog

by R. White, Northumberland


Giving a Border Collie to an inexperienced owner is like giving a Ferrari to a 17 year old - dangerous and irresponsible.These dogs are highly intelligent which can make them difficult to handle. I'm happy to say however, that this is a heart warming success story between a dog and his family.

by F. Middleton, Sheffield


Fizz is going to be FAMOUS! His Mum is getting her book published in November. This is an excellent, funny book which is definitely worth a read. Our Practice Manager has been lucky enough to have a sneaky peak at it and she said it will have you smiling from ear to ear. We just hope Fizz remembers us when he is famous!

by St Clair Veterinary Care


Sat with a glass of vino and started Fizz's book. Couldn't put it down! I really enjoyed it. I think Fizz and my Patch would be good friends.

by M Scanlon


An absolute delight - a laugh out loud book written by Fizz's mum from the perspective of a lovely Border Collie pup. Full of humour, fun and common-sense advice on training in the first year of a pup's life, this book fills in the gap after "puppy school"

Encore Helen, you'll have to write more about your handsome dog as he gets older!

by Lynne and Frank Batey


Like most readers started this wonderful story , laughed all the way through, quickest read yet. Fizz you have great tales to tell typical educated sheepdog. Hope you have more tales to tell in the future. It is also very informative to new puppy owners. More please.

by Jan


This book should be mandatory reading for anyone aspiring to be owned by a dog. It deals with the everyday practicalities and frustrations from picking the right breed, vets, training etc. it is all done with a tremendous sense of humour - from both the dog and its humans and covers the training from the dog's viewpoint. Great fun to read and still manages to impart some wisdom. A must read for any dog owner or those considering taking a dog into the home. Heck - even those who don't have or want a dog will enjoy this book. I cannot wait for the sequel!

by Sandra


As an experienced dog owner I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I read it in one sitting and had lots of "oh yes, I remember that happening with Jason, Ben, Yula or whoever. My husband is now reading it and every time he snorts with laughter, I ask him where he is up to.I definitely agree that getting a vet onside early on is a bonus and to any new dog owners, if the vet is at all dismissive of your worries, find a new one.

by Ron


Taking the Biscuit is definitely a must read book, especially for those of you who have/have had/or aspire to have, a dog.
I started to read it, and couldn't put it down, as I was frightened I'd miss something by putting down. Fastest book I have read so far.
Hubby can get some sleep now, as I was reading it in bed, and kept laughing out loud.
I hope Fizz decides to write some follow up books, it'll be like the Adrian Mole of the doggy world.
Well done to you both.
Aunty Dawn and Uncle Mamo are very proud of you.

by Dawn Thompson


What a fantastically written humorous book about the ups and downs of puppy parentage. I just couldn't put it down. What a wonderful read. There were lots of laugh out loud moments throughout, as well as frequent 'trips down memory lane' for me as a border collie parent. A great must-have book for any dog owner , would-be dog owner or animal lover. Reading this Fizz masterpiece was an absolute joy. I hope that this is the first of many books on Fizz's journey through life. Well done :-)

by Joanne Pearson


Absolutely brilliant, funny and witty book. The highs and lows of being a dog owner. Can't wait for the next book.

by Sandra Aynsley


 

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